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QUICK GUIDE: How Not To Architect (Part 6)

Check out Part 1 here, 2 here, 3 here, 4 here and 5 over here!

So, I'm frequently asked what makes me so ANGRY. The truth is, I'm not always in a rage... in fact, quite often I'm a veritable ball of sweetness and light! (Within reason of course, I am an architect after all...)

The infamous anger only really occurs only when I see architecture, design, engineering and project managing that is - how do I put this? - at the WRONG end of the intelligence spectrum. This includes everything from a dodgy door handle to an enormous, post-modern mess...

The question is: How can we reduce this source of face-palming frustration? By compiling a handy pamphlet for all concerned, succinctly named:

A QUICK GUIDE: HOW NOT TO ARCHITECT.

Peruse the articles below for examples of what not to do, and feel free to contribute to the collection as you see fit, just send me your photos over on the official Facebook page... for the benefit and continuing professional development of us all, of course. You can thank me later.

Yours educationally,

The Angry Architect

 

ARTICLE 51: Tree 'Preservation'.

A large number of palm trees in Florida are protected species. This does NOT mean they are free from human intervention...

705:

 

ARTICLE 52: Security.

Don't worry, Big Brother isn't *always* watching you.

704:

 

ARTICLE 53: The Stairscalator.

Do not stand still on this escalator. You'll be waiting a WHILE.

703:

 

ARTICLE 54: Triolets.

That's a trio of toilets... never mind. If you HAVE to do this, then please... DON'T MAKE 'EM BROWN!

702:

 

ARTICLE 55: Integrating Lighting.

Fascinating...

706:

 

ARTICLE 56: Emerald Gardens.

From the Winter Olympics in Sochi, 2014: The grass is always greener on the other side... as long as you spray-paint it that way.

700:

 

ARTICLE 57: Xanu-Don't.

The Meadowlands Xanadu Mall in New Jersey has cost more that $2 billion to construct, and caused 2 successive developers to go bust. No wonder, with all that high quality cladding--- oh wait.

699:

 

ARTICLE 58: This Skyscraper.

Look carefully at this structure, which was built (and eventually disassembled) in Cartagena, Colombia. Something's not quite right...

698:

 

ARTICLE 59: Dogzilla.

Do not, I repeat do NOT allow your pets near your model... no matter how cute they are.

697:

 

ARTICLE 60: Universal Access.

Thanks to Richard Wilkinson for sharing this one! It should be noted that this was the fine work of a local housing association, rather than an independent architecture firm...

Clare Lally, 33, spent two years campaigning for improved access for her wheelchair-bound daughter Katie, 7, after the council gave them a home at the top of three flights of stairs. Officials eventually relented, but Ms Lally was left shocked by their solution – a £40,000, 10-level chicane-like steel ramp which almost fills their whole front garden.

The winding 60-metre path is proving a long way round for Ms Lally and Katie and is now being used by local skateboarders... gosh.

696: